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by Clay Andrews
Breaking up can really result in you feeling crumby. There's no questions about that. But why is that? Well, it actually all comes down to how you focus your brain. You see, when you get dumped, you instantly feel an intense feeling of rejection. Your partner just left you for one reason or another, and you'd better believe that this will hurt.
But it's only natural instinct to want to prove ourselves after feelings of rejection. That's the reason why we frequently try to do things like figure out "why" we were dumped or win back the love of our partner. We would like to know that we are essentially good people or we at least want the opportunity to refute some of the reasons why they left us.
However , this actually is not a healthy attitude to have when you are going through a break up.
Why is this?
Well, you see, you're putting too much significance on what some other person thinks about you and their judgements of you. The first thing you want to do is pull your "locus of control," as the call it, back within yourself.
You have what they describe as an external locus of control when you look to outside events and circumstances to explain what happened or to tell you you're okay as an individual. You've an internal locus of control when you look inside yourself for these answers.
In the end you want to have an internal locus of control. This will give you much more individual power and help you cope with feelings of rejection from the split. It's much healthier to inform yourself the split up occurred because your companion just wanted something different in their lives and you are fully worthy of love as a person rather than to blame yourself or to view this event and proof that you simply aren't "worthy" of love.
To get yourself in the habit of doing this, begin to watch your thoughts and see whether they are looking outside of yourself or inside of yourself for answers to the questions and issues you are dealing with. You can check out my Ex Recovery System review to learn more about how to do this. Simply changing the focus of your mind can really transform your view of the world. However, it will not be an overnight change. It will take time, patience, and dedication to truly build the habit of focusing your thoughts in an alternative way. Nevertheless it is definitely worthwhile.
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